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Don’t Mind Me, I Came with the House

A story about love, forgiveness, and accepting yourself as you are—faults and all. 

Nikki Stone just wanted to be noticed.

Recently divorced and juggling an accounting job with an after-five life as her kids’ maid, Nikki’s luck suddenly changes when a popular golf pro, Blake Andersen, falls in love with her. She’s offered a CFO position at work, her kids release the death-like grip they have on her life, and she spends weekends traveling the glamorous US golf circuit with Blake the Pro.

But when female problems surface in her forty-seven-year-old body, she’s certain illness will dash her future.

Then she gets the news. She’s not dying—she’s pregnant.

Dumbfounded, demoralized, and determined not to force Blake into marriage, she vows to keep her pregnancy secret until he proposes. Her bungling efforts catapult her into online sensationalism.

Careful what you wish for.

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Written with unappreciated mothers in mind, Don’t Mind Me, I Came with the House is my newest ChickLit novel, out, appropriately, on Mother’s Day. If you need a unique gift for a friend or mother in your life, consider purchasing on Amazon for $2.99.

Kindle Unlimited users read free by downloading on Amazon.

As always, if you are a REVIEWER on Goodreads, BookBub, or Amazon, I am able to provide a free ebook copy for an honest review. Email cyndie@cyndiezahner.com with your reviewer name, review site, and I will forward an epub or mobi copy.

Happy reading!

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CJ Zahner is the author of The Suicide Gene, a psychological thriller, Dream Wide Awake, and Project Dream, two thrillers that carry a sixth-sense paranormal element, and Friends Who Move Couches and Don’t Mind Me, I Came with the House, women’s fiction/ChickLit. These last two novels were inspired by Zahner’s own experiences. See the video of her own paranormal experience, a premonition of 9/11 here. Download her Beyond Reality Radio podcast here. Follow her on Instagram, TwitterFacebook, GoodreadsBookBub, or LinkedIn. Purchase her books on Amazon.

Little Fires Everywhere by Celeste Ng

Rating:           8

General Rating: A bit disappointed. (Like Crawdad’s, I may have expected too much.) Ng’s writing earns a nine, but the scattered storyline, a seven, averaging a solid eight rating.

Skip factor:  8%. I skipped some of Mia’s flashbacks. Her backstory dragged.  

Who should read:  If you read Everything I Never Told You, if you are a writer, or at least love writing, you’ll enjoy this. I don’t believe people who grab this book before reading Everything I Never Told You will be as enamored by Ng. This is a good book, but I expected great from Ng.

Summary: The story begins with a fire and the mention of Izzy Richardson. Izzy is one of four children who lives in the house burning to the ground. The story also mentions a mother and daughter, Mia and Pearl, who rent one of the Richardsons’ apartments. Mia and Pearl leave the afternoon of the fire, so right away the reader wants to know what’s going on.

The novel tells the story of the well-to-do Richardson family living in the Shaker Heights neighborhood of Cleveland. When Mia, an artist, and her daughter Pearl rent an apartment from the Richardson’s, their lives intersect in more than tenant-landlord fashion. Elena Richardson admires Mia’s art and hires her to cook and clean for them part-time, saying Mia must continue her art. Mia accepts reluctantly but the position, along with a second part-time job, allows her the freedom to continue her photography.

Eventually, all four of the Richardson children become involved with Mia and Pearl who seem slightly mysterious.

Enter Beebe and Mrs. McCullough. Beebe works with Mia at Mia’s part-time coffee shop job and Mrs. McCullough has been Elena Richardson’s best friend for years. When Mia realizes the adopted McCullough baby may be Beebe’s lost child, the story takes an emotional turn.

There are numerous twists and turns to this story. (Possibly too many.) The author jumps back and forth in time, and where normally I like this, I didn’t here. I found myself skipping Mia’s backstory.

Characters:  I loved all four Richardson children and Pearl. I did not like Elena Richardson or Mrs. McCullough, although I did feel sorry for Mrs. McCullough who could not have children of her own. I believe I experienced all of the emotions the author hoped readers would experience with the characters except for Mia. Mia was too odd for my liking, and the author’s attempt at creating a sad background for Mia didn’t work.

Storyline:  This novel winds through several important life topics: suburban racism, family dynamics, rich versus poor, adoption tribulations, motherhood, and even carries YA coming-of-age subject matter. The story has several protagonists, two mothers, one rich, one poor; five children between them who are at the height of their emotional teenage years; and a destitute woman who finds herself in an impossible situation.

Without spoiling the story, I’ll say this touches heartfeltly on family, pregnancy, adoption, and even abortion.

Writing:  The novel is well written, yet there were many parts where I felt the dramatics of the situations were drawn-out and overdone, hurting the importance of the topics. Mia’s backstory could have been tightened to make readers feel more of a connection with her.

Read this author again?  Yes, I will. I love her writing and am hoping for another book like Everything I Never Told You.

Read on!

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CJ Zahner is the author of The Suicide Gene, a psychological thriller, Dream Wide Awake, and Project Dream, two thrillers that carry a sixth-sense paranormal element, and Friends Who Move Couches, women’s fiction. These last two novels were inspired by Zahner’s own experiences. See the video of her own paranormal experience, a premonition of 9/11 here. Download her Beyond Reality Radio podcast here. Follow her on Instagram, TwitterFacebookGoodreadsBookBub, or LinkedIn. Purchase her books on Amazon.

A Little Drug Called DES

Thirty-eight years ago today, I sat at the back of St. Peter’s Cathedral in Erie, Pennsylvania, sobbing inconsolably, my dreams vanishing because of four little words.

There is no heartbeat.

Years before while in high school, I participated in the drama category of a Forensics Club, performing a speech from a book called A Raisin in the Sun. I began with a poem by Langston Hughes which goes like this.

What happens to a dream deferred?

Does it dry up

Like a raisin in the sun?

Or fester like a sore-

And then run?

Does it stink like rotten meat?

Or crust and sugar over

Like a syrupy sweet?

Maybe it just sags

Like a heavy load.

Or does it explode?

I had no idea ten years later, my dreams would explode. But on a cold morning in the last pew of a dark church on Easter, I found myself praying God would end my life.

I’d grown up at a time when most women wanted to get married and have children. I had married a man I truly loved, intending on filling our home with love. Then at a doctor’s office during my first pregnancy, I received those four little words that changed my life.

There is no heartbeat.

Suddenly, life lost all meaning.

After that first miscarriage when I was twenty-five, I learned my mother had taken a drug, Diethylstilbestrol, or DES, while she was pregnant with me. Forevermore, doctors and history books would refer to me as a DES baby. My children would be third-generation DES victims and my grandchildren fourth-generation. But back then, in that church, I didn’t care about anything other than having a baby.

Today, this Easter morning thirty-eight years later, I am out in California visiting my daughter, waiting for my sweet little granddaughter to wake up and scurry through the house in search of Easter eggs. I am one of the lucky ones. I didn’t develop cancer (yet—hopefully never). I bore three healthy children. So many DES babies never have kids. I’ve read about women who developed cervical cancer in their teen years, had fifteen miscarriages, bone loss, depression.

Before the 1970s, DES was given to women who had a hard time carrying babies full term, and occasionally, doctors prescribed this drug for morning sickness. What effects this had on the women who took the drug and their offspring is just now being examined and discussed.

A recent study of over 700 DES babies and their siblings revealed 85% of DES babies attempted suicide. (https://www.intechopen.com/books/psychopathology-an-international-and-interdisciplinary-perspective/evidence-for-link-between-mental-disorders-and-in-utero-exposure-to-synthetic-hormones-a-long-and-cr)

You would think that statistic would appall me, but it didn’t. I am in the fifteen percent of DES babies who never attempted suicide. Yet for years I condemned myself for my depression.

We never know the DNA of another person. Some of us suffer from depression. If you don’t yourself, count yourself lucky and don’t condemn those who do. Depression can be caused by hormones, environment, mental deprivation and abuse, or a little drug from back in the nineteenth century called DES.

If you or someone you know is a DES baby and suffering depression this Easter morning, please contact me at Cyndie@cyndiezahner.com. I’d like to hear your story.

Sometimes talking helps heal. Thanks for listening.

#Iaminthe15%

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Cyndie “CJ” Zahner is a mother, grandmother, wife, author, and DES baby. She is currently writing her DES story in a memoir, The House that Loved. She is also accumulating stories of other DES children. If you have a story you would like to share, please send it to cyndie@cyndiezahner.com.

The Light Through the Leaves by Glendy Vanderah

Rating:                              8

General Rating: An easy read but intense story about a woman who barely survives the tragic disappearance of her daughter.

Skip factor:  I skipped my normal amount, approximately 3-5%.

Who should read:  Avid readers, most women, and especially back-to-nature people. 

Summary: Ellis Abbey needs to decide what to do. She’s caught her husband cheating, and she’s trying to remain calm around her three young children. She takes them to catch tadpoles, so she can think. She decides she must divorce him, but then the trip turns disastrous. Her twin boys argue throughout the day, and when it’s time to leave, a raven is cawing, the boys are shouting, and a full jar of tadpoles spills in the car. Ellis tries to hurry along and horribly, leaves her daughter on the road in her car seat. When she realizes her mistake and turns around, the baby is gone.

The mental damage and blame she suffers spirals out of control. She convinces herself she’ll do her sons harm, too, if she raises them. She leaves the boys and their father, traveling the country alone, drinking, and attempting to forget.

After a few years pass, the story turns toward a secluded home in Washington. A girl named Raven lives with her mother. She’s cautioned not to speak to people from the outside world, but when she runs into boys playing in the creek on her mother’s wooded property, she strikes up a friendship with them, and her life changes.

Without spoiling the story, both Ellis and Raven must work through challenging lives, reach deep inside themselves, and survive their fate.

Characters:   Character development was good. The main character, Ellis, was likeable at the start. However, tragedy turns her into someone many people may not understand or be able to identify with. Despite the sadness of her life, I felt little compassion toward her because she left her boys. I did understand the importance of her journey but could not connect with her other than briefly in the beginning.

Other characters whom I did like were the children Raven, Jackie, and Reese, along with the neighbor, Ms. Taft. Introduced in light-hearted, childlike fashion, it was easy to like the children and Ms. Taft’s kindness and care for them made her immediately likeable.

I actually felt compassion for the woman who raised Raven. The pain she inflicted on the child was a consequence of her mental illness. Her strange beliefs and mental breakdowns damaged Raven mentally, but she protected her in other ways to the best of her ability.

Storyline: This is a unique storyline, told in an interesting manner. The author jumped from the grieving mother’s point of view to the abducted child’s point of view through sections, and it worked well. Kept my attention.

Writing:  The writing is good. Chapters flowed easily, yet I was surprised by the numerous 5-star reviews. I liked this book, truly I did, but I’m still not sure why I wasn’t dazzled by it like other reviewers. Yet…I did keep turning pages! I’m not completely sure why. The smaller storylines lured me and I found myself anxious to get back to reading it! Oddly, I’ve read better books with better writing that I enjoyed much less. I’m simply not sure why I liked this book so much, but I did and believe you will, too.

Read this author again? Yes, I’d love to see if I like her next book as well.

Read on!

To find more good books click here.

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CJ Zahner is the author of The Suicide Gene, a psychological thriller, Dream Wide Awake, and Project Dream, two thrillers that carry a sixth-sense paranormal element, and Friends Who Move Couches, women’s fiction. These last two novels were inspired by Zahner’s own experiences. See the video of her own paranormal experience, a premonition of 9/11 here. Download her Beyond Reality Radio podcast here. Follow her on InstagramTwitterFacebookGoodreadsBookBub, or LinkedIn. Purchase her books on Amazon.

Where to Find FREE Books

For those who missed my newsletter, here’s how to find FREE books. They’re out there. Hundreds of them:

Find Free Books

Occasionally, authors offer their novels free. Why? They hope you’ll review or recommend them. Here’s the secret way of finding thousands of free books. First, you must use a laptop or computer. (Your mobile phone will default to the Top 100 Paid.)

  • Go to Amazon Best Sellers Page
  • Select Kindle e-books on the left hand side
  • Scroll & select a category/genre on left (example: Humor & Entertainment)
  • Select Top 100 Free (circled in blue on the picture below)

Select a book that piques your curiosity. One with a number of reviews. If it’s not for you, you can easily delete.

Grabbing free books is as simple as that! Here are a few direct links (must be clicked from computer or laptop): HumorRomanceMystery Thriller & SuspenseWomen’s Fiction. (Again: Your mobile phone will default to the Top 100 Paid.)

Other ways to find free books:

Amazon Prime Members, you are missing out if you’re not downloading a monthly First Reads. You get one free book per month (sometimes two). These are brand new novels, so google Amazon First Reads mid month. By then, readers will have posted hundreds of reviews. Pick one with 4+ stars.

Anyone can find free or low cost books on various sites. My favorites are BooksendsBookBub, or Bookgorilla. (I’m sort of addicted to them.) I’ve seen discounted books by authors such as Liane Moriarty, David Baldacci and Nora Roberts on these sites.

Don’t miss future tips. Sign up for my quarterly newsletter here.

Read on!

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CJ Zahner is the author of The Suicide Gene, a psychological thriller, Dream Wide Awake, and Project Dream, two thrillers that carry a sixth-sense paranormal element, and Friends Who Move Couches, women’s fiction. These last two novels were inspired by Zahner’s own experiences. See the video of her own paranormal experience, a premonition of 9/11 here. Download her Beyond Reality Radio podcast here. Follow her on InstagramTwitterFacebookGoodreadsBookBub, or LinkedIn. Purchase her books on Amazon.

Long Bright River by Liz Moore

Rating:                              9.5

General Rating: This author teases readers with clues. A great storyline by a clever writer.

Skip factor:  I skipped a small amount, 3%, in the beginning. Believe me, this book gets better. After halfway, I couldn’t put down.

Who should read:  Crime fiction lovers will enjoy, but so will women in general as this reads more like women’s fiction. 

Summary: Sisters Mickey and Kacey were raised by a strict grandmother, Gee, in a low-income area of Philadelphia. Their mother died of an overdose and their father left when they were young. While Mickey garnered good grades and wanted to go to college, Kacey turned to drugs and is eventually kicked out of her grandmother’s house.

The story is revealed in Then and Now sections. The Then story is, having had little encouragement and no money for college, Mickey entered the police force. Readers are first introduced to her in the Now story as a thirty-year-old single mother and police officer. She keeps an eye on her sister who has turned to prostitution and dealing.

When bodies of young Philly prostitutes begin showing up throughout Philadelphia, Mickey’s worry about her sister escalates. Then Lacey disappears. Readers ride along with Mickey as she juggles searching for her sister, being a mom, and dealing with both good and bad police officers beside her.

Characters:  I loved the slow introduction she gave to the main character. Mick is quiet, sometimes painstakingly so. It takes much for her to open up and this is exactly how Moore presents her—slowly. I grew to love her over time.

Not so with other characters. I adored Thomas, liked Kacey and Truman (even before he showed up in the story), and loved Mrs. Mahon immediately (despite her bluntness). Moore’s character development is clever. She tricks readers into loving characters with snappy, quirky qualities.

And the bad characters? She has you guessing. Are they truly bad?

Storyline: This is a good story made great by a talented writer. Paralleling the main character’s temperament, the storyline unfolds slowly. Moore jumps time periods which may annoy some, but not me. Only once do I remember that urge I often feel with these types of books, where I rush through a back-in-time chapter to get to the now.

Writing:  The writing is excellent without being hefty. It’s different. No dictionary needed. Moore’s simple language creates clever sentences, paragraphs, chapters. She uses dashes in place of quotation marks for conversation, something I grew accustomed to almost immediately. And while I didn’t like a few too-long paragraphs, Moore’s easy writing style whisked me into the story.  

What I loved about her writing and the reason I believe the story was addicting, is Moore teases the reader with just enough information for them to ask, “What’s that all about, and where’s it leading?” You feel like you’ve caught a clue to what will happen, but you’re at Moore’s mercy. You have to hang on until she’s kind enough to divulge more.   

Read this author again? Absolutely.

Read on!

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CJ Zahner is the author of The Suicide Gene, a psychological thriller, Dream Wide Awake, and Project Dream, two thrillers that carry a sixth-sense paranormal element, and Friends Who Move Couches, women’s fiction. These last two novels were inspired by Zahner’s own experiences. See the video of her own paranormal experience, a premonition of 9/11 here. Download her Beyond Reality Radio podcast here. Follow her on InstagramTwitterFacebookGoodreadsBookBub, or LinkedIn. Purchase her books on Amazon.

The Shadow Box by Luanne Rice

Rating:                              9

General Rating:  A mystery that captures your attention in the beginning.

Skip factor: I skipped 5%, possibly a bit more, in the last third of the novel.

Who should read:  Anyone who enjoys mystery novels or books about the greed of the wealthy.

Summary:  On the day of artist Claire Beaudry Chase’s art exhibit, someone attacks her and hangs her in the garage of her home, leaving her for dead. But when the board she is strung from breaks, and she wakes up on the floor, the reader slips inside her head and hears her thoughts. Griffin Chase, her husband, is running for governor and has the backing of their entire community—the wealthy, police force, everyone. The man who struck and tied her from the rafter wore a mask. Could it have been her husband?

She crawls out of the garage, meanders through the woods, and falls asleep at a cabin she knows from childhood. There, more of Claire’s thoughts are sporadically revealed to the reader about Griffin and the people who have a hand in backing him for governor. Who can she trust?

Years before, Griffin’s girlfriend, Ellen, died suspiciously. Now Claire has disappeared. Is he a murderer and if so will he get away with it? Or will someone find the clues of Ellen’s death in Claire’s shadow box art exhibit?

Characters:  This author has a true gift for character development—of both those loved and of those a reader loves to hate. Her opening has readers pulling for Claire immediately. I’m not spoiling the story by saying, equally, readers do not like her husband. The main investigator, too, catches a reader by surprise. You want to like him. Can you? And while there are a plethora of other characters, the story will have you guessing who are the good guys and who are the bad.

Storyline:  The representation of the upper class seemed realistic and interesting. Beginning with a murder attempt will keep readers turning pages throughout. The unfolding of the story, a woman who cheats death and hides away to mend and then revenge herself, is grabbing. There are some surprises in the last third of the book and while I usually like surprises, a few twists and turns seemed a bit unrealistic.

Writing:  The first half of this book reads like a bestseller. It was tremendous. A 9.5. The second half slowed but not enough to discourage me from reading. This book held my attention. If, like me, you are a fan of white space, you might skip some of those long paragraphs toward the end to get to the meat of the mystery.

Read this author again? Yes. This is my first Rice novel but it won’t be my last.

Read on!

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CJ Zahner is the author of The Suicide Gene, a psychological thriller, Dream Wide Awake, and Project Dream, two thrillers that carry a sixth-sense paranormal element, and Friends Who Move Couches, women’s fiction. These last two novels were inspired by Zahner’s own experiences. See the video of her own paranormal experience, a premonition of 9/11 here. Download her Beyond Reality Radio podcast here.

Follow her on InstagramTwitterFacebook, GoodreadsBookBub, or LinkedIn. Purchase her books on Amazon.

Life and Other Near-Death Experiences by Camille Pagan

Rating:                              9

General Rating: Keeps your attention throughout.

Skip factor:  0% which doesn’t happen too often.

Who should read:  Any woman would like this story. But those who enjoy great writing will love.

Summary: The story starts off with a bang. When Libby Miller arrives home to break the news to her husband that she has terminal cancer, he announces he’s gay. W-w-w-what? (I was as shocked as she was.) So she doesn’t reveal she’s dying to Tom, the hubby, but instead tries to grasp that their marriage has been a lie.

Immediately, Libby decides to live the remainder of her life on her terms. She refuses to answer the doctor’s calls about treatment. Years ago, her mother died of cancer, and she’s determined to enjoy the time she has left rather than exhaust it with treatment. She quits her job—doesn’t tell her egotistical boss, Jackie, the truth—and leaves her house in the hands of a friend who is a realtor to sell.

Because she has nothing to lose, she sets off on a month-long vacation to an island and—here comes my favorite part—strikes up a relationship with the pilot who flies her in.

Characters:  I am new to Camille Pagan and enjoyed this book, partially because of her great character development. I fell in love with all of the island people, and although I didn’t love Libby at the start, I grew to like her. I also loved Libby’s brother, but my favorite character was, by far, the pilot, Shiloh.

Storyline: The storyline is great. Of course, you can’t stop reading because you want to see if Libby will live or die, but I found myself reading for other reasons, as well. There are enough peaks and valleys in her story to maintain your interest, but what kept me reading, was how Pagan told the story. Simply, her writing is wonderful

Writing:  Pagan is a new favorite author. (Don’t you love when that happens!) Her writing is fabulous. 5-star good. Maybe 5+-star good.

Read this author again? Yes, yes, yes.

Read on!

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CJ Zahner is the author of The Suicide Gene, a psychological thriller, Dream Wide Awake, and Project Dream, two thrillers that carry a sixth-sense paranormal element, and Friends Who Move Couches, women’s fiction. These last two novels were inspired by Zahner’s own experiences. See the video of her own paranormal experience, a premonition of 9/11 here. Download her Beyond Reality Radio podcast here. Follow her on InstagramTwitterFacebookGoodreadsBookBub, or LinkedIn. Purchase her books on Amazon.

9

And Then She Was Gone by Lisa Jewell

Rating:                              9

General Rating: I’m on a streak! This is the second thriller in a row that I’ve read and couldn’t put down. Excellent. (Almost a 9.5, but for one factor and if I told you what that was, I’d spoiled the book for you.)

Skip factor:  0% I hung on to every sentence.

Who should read:  Anyone who has ever liked another mystery, whodunit, or thriller novel should read this. Crime fiction lovers, suspense cravers, or common readers who like a good story will enjoy.

Summary: Fifteen-year-old Ellie Mack goes missing in 2005. She’s the youngest of three children, smart, popular, and a good kid, not the type to run away, so her family knows something has happened to her. As the years go by, they are forced to carry on without her. Her disappearance proves too damaging to her parents’ marriage. Paul and Laurel split up, and the story centers mainly on Laurel who understandably cannot mend. Even ten years later when Ellie’s bones are found, Lauren is unable to heal.

The story ping pongs back and forth between 2005 and 2015, giving clues as to who the abductor might be. In the 2005 chapters, what happened to Ellie is slowly revealed.

When a man approaches Laurel in a restaurant and sparks up a conversation, the two begin dating. For the first time in years, Laurel has some happiness. Then she begins wondering if Floyd, her new boyfriend, may have known someone involved in Ellie’s disappearance. Readers follow along as Laurel uncovers the secrets.

Characters:  I did not like the main characters from the beginning to the end, yet I could not put the book down. I had to know what happened to Ellie.

While I liked a few minor characters like Paul, or Ellie’s sister, Hanna, I found Laurel totally unlikeable. I couldn’t bring myself to feel pity for her despite the horrendous tragedy she endured.

Her boyfriend, Floyd, I neither liked nor disliked. If I had any compassion for any character, it was for Ellie’s sister, Hanna, who had little to do with the story, and Floyd’s youngest daughter, Poppy, for her awkwardness.

Storyline:  The chapters jump between characters and between years. In the beginning, I struggled to know exactly where I was. (Readers who don’t like jumping time periods may grow tired.) But the author kept divulging bits and pieces of the story to remind us of the book’s unfathomable premise—Ellie’s gone, so what the heck happened?

Jewell grabs your attention on the first page and holds it until the end. Even when parts of the storyline seem a tad unbelievable, I never once put it away without thinking I couldn’t wait to get back to see what happened.

Writing:  The writing was tremendous as in many best-selling thrillers, but what sets this apart is the author somehow grabs onto your curiosity and won’t let go. In fact, she doesn’t slacken her grip for a second. This, for me, was a can’t-put-down novel.

Read this author again? Yes. This is my first Jewell novel but it definitely won’t be my last.

Read on!

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CJ Zahner is the author of The Suicide Gene, a psychological thriller, Dream Wide Awake, and Project Dream, two thrillers that carry a sixth-sense paranormal element, and Friends Who Move Couches, women’s fiction. These last two novels were inspired by Zahner’s own experiences. See the video of her own paranormal experience, a premonition of 9/11 here. Download her Beyond Reality Radio podcast here. Follow her on InstagramTwitterFacebookGoodreadsBookBub, or LinkedIn. Purchase her books on Amazon.

Now can we stop the Brady-and-his-balls talk?

It’s like a bad breakup—this Brady thing. You can’t stop talking about it.

You’ve been dumped. You secretly wish your ex’s next relationship will fail. (C’mon, don’t lie. You do.) Or at least you expect they’ll experience a few initial bumps in the road. You’ve travelled along with them and suddenly you’ve been booted from the bus. They’re riding away. Gone. You hurl that diamond ring off a cliff.    

But then that little band hits air and soars into the next relationship like a Phoenix rising out of the ashes.

I’m not a Patriot fan. In fact, I’m not a football fan so this is fun for me. Seeing millions of people ride the emotional roller coaster over one game, one man, one giant leap of faith; watching two-timing Tommy flip his finger at the masses. It’s revenge. (Writer stops to wipe tears of laughter off her face.)

My husband would sell my soul for another Super Bowl win for the Philadelphia Eagles. Way back before I married this sports fiend, he didn’t show up at a wedding I was in (not ours—hmmm—good or bad?) because the Eagles had made the playoffs.

Why do people adore men who play with their balls?

I’ve tried to explain to him, when his car breaks down, I’m the person who will pick him up on the side of the road. When he’s sick, I’ll bring his soup. When he’s old, I’ll hand him his cane. Still. He worships the Philadelphia Eagles—a big bunch of sweaty guys who don’t know he’s alive.

I’ll never understand this football obsession. Today, millions of people are waking up happy. Millions more are depressed. All are dreaming of better days.

Which makes this year’s football season the year of retribution in so many ways. (Brady. Wentz. Need I say more?)

What will you all talk about for the next 364 days?

Please. Please. Please. Please. Please.

I’m begging you. Not Tom Brady’s balls. Let us learn from the past: https://athletchic.wordpress.com/2015/01/25/athletchics-dont-care-how-tom-likes-his-balls/

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CJ Zahner is a wife, mother, grandmother, writer. She hates football.